Redemption
by sUmMeRiTh
Summary: He wasn’t the type of person who saved people. He thought that maybe he’d be able to save her. If she was ever in trouble, that is. Charlie's memories of Claire.


**Redemption**

**Summary:** **He wasn't the type of person who saved people. He thought that maybe he'd be able to save her. If she was ever in trouble, that is. Charlie's memories of Claire.**

**A/N: Hey, my first CharlieClaire fic. Strange because they were my favorite couple since about White Rabbit and it's taken me this long to write about them. Anyway, just a oneshot. Set throughout the season, and based on what I remember, so I might have some details wrong. If you liked it, review, and if you think I should just stick to Shannon/Boone, review.**

**Disclaimer: If it were mine, Boone would never have left camp in "Daddy Issues", Sawyer and Sayid would still be fighting, "The Greater Good" would have been Shannon's episode, and Jack and Kate would have just gotten together alreadyfifteen episodes ago. I guess it's not mine.**

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In the twilight he watches her from the beach, as she stands in the water that's lapping at her ankles, with her hand on her belly, her hair dancing on the wind. He doesn't know what he's feeling for her, and it's so strange to him. He's never felt like this before, but he's barely spoken to the girl. Maybe that was it, maybe he just wanted to talk to her. He didn't have many people he'd class as friends on this island. But then, they'd only just landed here. People thought they'd be rescued, no one was bothering to exactly make friends. But she seemed different, friendlier. Maybe.

He felt like such an addict. He guessed that was because he _was_ one. When they were burning the bodies in the fuselage, and Claire was being such an angel, reading out the names and details of the deceased, for no reason but their memories, he was doing heroin a couple of metres away. He was so ashamed of that.

He talked to her. She said that people saw her as a time bomb of responsibility. He told her that he didn't see her that way, but he didn't tell her how he really saw her. He'd scare her off, and embarrass himself, and it didn't help that he wasn't so sure himself. Still, when he was talking to her, he realized that he could see himself, one day, telling her everything. He looked forward to that day.

He wasn't doing drugs any more. That old guy, Locke, had stopped that. He liked to think that he'd given up because of her. And Charlie had helped Jack after they were caved in. True, he had _caused_ the cave in, but still, it was a nice feeling to 'save' someone. Especially when it was the person that had fixed them all up after the crash.

He wasn't the type of person who saved people. He could admit that. There were people, like Jack, and Sayid, and well, even Boone, who rushed in and saved whoever needed them, without thinking of themselves. It wasn't that he was selfish, it was just he thought himself incompetent. He could probably help people; he'd fished for that girl, Shannon, hadn't he? But that was only because he thought she'd liked him.

Still, staring out at this pregnant Australian woman, he thought that _maybe_ he'd be able to save her. If she was ever in trouble, that is.

He couldn't believe his luck, that this beautiful, _innocent_ woman actually spent even a few minutes of her day with him, talking to him, smiling at his stupid jokes.

They'd talked more and more, and he began to think that if she moved to the caves, it would be safer for her and the baby. But she wouldn't go. He did see her as more of a beach person, but her safety was constantly on his mind. So he made her a deal. If he could get her peanut butter, she'd move to the caves. Seemed pretty easy at the time. How hard would it be to find peanuts in a plane crash, right? But he asked everyone, even offended some, like Hurley, and he got so desperate that he asked Sawyer. Nearly every time, all he got was a look that said, 'Are you crazy?' By the end, he'd started yelling at anyone who gave him that look, "I'm not a bloody lunatic!" But he was just frustrated. He didn't need to _save_ Claire, but he wanted to protect her.

And so, the imaginary peanut butter was born. And she laughed, and moved to the caves with him.

That moment with her was always an instant high for him. Things like that made him feel better than he ever had, even on a heroin trip. Thinking of heroin made him think of Liam. Charlie didn't really hold grudges, but there were still a lot of hard feelings. Feelings that would probably never be expressed. He wondered what Liam would say, had he seen his brother offering an empty glass jar to a _pregnant_ woman who he was so obviously besotted with. The old Liam would probably have thought that it was just a ploy to get the woman into bed or something, had she not been so obviously pregnant. It's like she was branded now. But that was Liam, not Charlie. Charlie didn't mind that she was pregnant, and he didn't care whether or not she slept with him. The only thing he wanted from Claire was her company, and he wanted her to be safe.

When she woke up screaming, he was so scared. For the first time ever, he was scared for someone else. Her. The minute she'd said that someone had attacked her, he got everyone together and searched the camp. They didn't find anyone, but he thought that maybe, he was proving that he could be responsible. He told her that she could go to sleep; he'd be there. And he really meant it.

He'd asked her if they could be friends. He hadn't expected to be told no. But he figured that she was just scared after her attacks, because she had been so friendly to everyone before that. So he didn't give up. And it was because he didn't give up, that he got the memory of calming Claire down after those false contractions. And despite what she'd said before, after that it really seemed like they were friends.

But then Ethan came along.

Charlie can't remember what happened with Ethan, not really. He remembered being blindfolded, hearing Claire's screams and cries, trying to comfort her and being hit by Ethan because of it. He remembers being tied to be hung from the tree, he remembers Claire's shreiks. He doesn't remember dying. He remembers waking up, to the surprised and crying Jack and Kate. And he remembers that, while feeling grateful, he could only think of one thing: Claire. And he blamed himself. He'd been the one to tell Ethan that Claire was in the jungle. Having her baby. He didn't succeed in saving her from that monster. He wasn't like Jack, or Sayid, or Boone, or Locke, or even Kate. If any of them had been in Charlie's situation, he felt for sure that they would have at least tried to save Claire, and as far as he knew none of them felt for her the way he did. He felt sure that one of the others could have saved the both of them. What did Charlie do? He let the freak take Claire and he almost died. He wasn't on drugs, but he was still a failure. Lucy was right--he'd never take care of anyone.

Rose helped him. It helped to cry, Charlie found. He cried for everything; Liam, DRIVEshaft, his addiction, Lucy, being stuck on an island, escaping death, being used, but most of all he cried for Claire. And after he cried, he found that he had to do something, something to help. He couldn't go out and search, Jack wouldn't let him, but he could get her stuff together.

Days passed without Claire. Every hour felt like an eternity. Just remembering her pretty smile made him want to cry. He kept himself preoccupied searching for her diary. He was so close to tears constantly, and so confused. What he had told Kate was true, and it felt nice to get it out in the open somewhat.

"I barely knew her--_know_ her, Claire--but every day she's gone, it feels like bits of me are crumbling, or something."

Getting her diary back was a small triumph for Charlie. He thought that if he could keep this small part of Claire safe, then maybe he wasn't so hopeless after all.

But it was well known, at least to him, that he could not fight temptation. Mannerisms of a junkie, right there. And so he read her diary.

"_So adorable and sweet. In a scary place like this, Charlie makes me feel safe._"

He felt his insides turn to goo, and a small smile appear on his face. Was there a small possibility that she liked him, too? This tiny revellation made him miss her more than ever. He was shocked that _he_, Charlie bloody Pace, was the one on this island to make her feel safe. Not Jack, not Locke, not Sayid, not Boone..._him_. The washed up, drugged up loser who didn't even come close to a saviour. Those words meant more to him than Claire would ever know. It felt like redemption.

And then, just like that, she was back. Seeing Locke and Boone walk into camp with her was like a miracle, a dream come true for Charlie. He couldn't imagine ever feeling this happy. He thought he was dreaming. Sure, there was a flicker of jealousy that he wasn't the one to find her, but mostly he was just happy she was safe.

And it seemed like she never would know what those words meant to him, as his happiness died soon after, with her cries that she didn't know any of them. She wouldn't even remember her feelings about him. He had to help her get her memory back. He gave her the diary, hoping it would be a start.

Now that she was back, he wanted to kill that son of a bitch who'd taken them. When Ethan ambushed Charlie and Jin in the jungle, Charlie had tried to hurt him for what he'd done to Claire, but had only been threatened instead. He saw the scratch marks along Ethan's cheek--who could miss them?--and was sure they were Claire's doing. He cheered proudly on the inside for her, but he also listened to what Ethan said. There was no way that lunatic was getting Claire.

He wished he could tell her how he felt, but he knew it would freak her out now more than ever, considering she didn't know him. So he made sure that he adamantly had her back with or against Jack and the rest. He was not going to risk her safety again. But that was crushed the instant Shannon told Claire what was going on. And Claire was pissed at him, but it wasn't like he could tell her he was only doing this because he thought he loved her.

He was so, so angry that they were using Claire as bait, putting her in danger, plus at the fact that they wouldn't let him go with them to attack Ethan. That bastard had tried to kill him, and had taken Claire. He was the only one out of all of them who had the biggest reason to want that monster dead, or at least badly hurt. He was the only one, bar Claire, who deserved answers. And that was why he followed them, that was why he waited until Ethan and Jack were fighting, that was why he picked up Jack's gun, and that was why he shot Ethan. It was all for Claire. But when she looked at him with that incredulous look on her face, he was sure he had lost her.

But then she came to him. "Why do I remember peanut butter?" She'd asked, and he was over the bloody moon. She remembered! As she said, "I want to trust you," he felt sort of let down, but determined. He was going to win her trust again.

After that, it was like they'd gone back to the start. When he talked to her, it wasn't in a, "oh we're lifelong friends and I love you" sort of way. It was like with the peanut butter, he wanted her to like him. And so he watched her from afar. He got involved with treks across the island. He even, sort of, helped with Boone's medical stuff. But when Jin came running into that tent, the instant he spat out "C-Cl-Claire", Charlie was on his way.

He and Jin sat a fair way away from the women. Charlie just kept thinking about how it wasn't right for her to give birth here. Without Thomas. The prick. Charlie had scared himself quite a few times with the thought of how often women died in childbirth, how high the chances were considering where they were.

He heard her scream, he just wanted to be over there, holding her hand, telling her it would be okay. Jin seemed to think that was a bad idea, however. So he sat back, and he waited. And seeing Claire holding her baby boy was a sight he never wanted to forget.

They got back to the camp. Charlie was so glad that everyone was so happy for Claire, and that she was okay. That she was happy. He grinned in happiness for her, but he couldn't stop his mind from drifting to Boone; he couldn't think of a worser time for a death.

As time went on, Charlie found himself looking after Turniphead quite alot. He also found himself going to Boone's grave, and talking to the man he'd never really had a deep conversation with before. He told the freshly turned soil everything, the drugs, the band, Claire. Once, when Turniphead was quiet, Charlie took him to Boone's grave. Only once. Just to tell him about Boone, and to let Boone meet Turniphead.

Then Charlie found himself telling Turniphead most of his thoughts, as well. Not counting the naughty ones about said baby's mother, of course. Just the good ones.

It was a little embarrassing that Sawyer was the one to calm Turniphead at first. After a few days, the baby learned to like the mixture of different accents--Southern, British, Australian. He never really liked Jack's though, or any ordinary American voices. Just the ones that stood out.

And, really, Charlie was grateful to Sawyer, for calming Turniphead so that Charlie was free to speak to the baby, too, without the wailing.

For those who didn't know any better, Charlie imagined that he, Claire, and Turnip--_Aaron_ looked like a cute little family. When Claire was cutting Charlie's hair, for example. Or when he made that carrying _thing_ for Aaron. She'd kissed his cheek and he felt like she trusted him now.

"Thomas has no idea what he's missing, love," Charlie told Claire one night.

She'd shrugged. "I'd rather have you around, I think."

He smiled. She made him happier than he'd ever thought was possible, and they were only friends.

And then Danielle took Aaron. Charlie couldn't believe it. He was shocked, and angry, and yet he felt sort of accomplished, that he could calm Claire down when she was so hysterical. He promised that he'd get Aaron back, and he knew that he would die before breaking a promise to Claire.

He still didn't understand why he took the heroin. He hated that he had, hated that he had it. He supposed it was because he couldn't resist temptation. But he knew that as long as he had Claire, and Turniphead, he wouldn't be using it. He decided to talk to Locke after he'd come back from wherever he was.

Charlie's redemption came when he (and Sayid) brought back Aaron. He felt like somewhat of a hero, like Jack, or Locke. He felt like he could save people. And he felt even better that he'd saved Claire's son. Sure, he didn't go rescuing strangers, like the girl who'd drowned. But he looked out for those who were important to him. He looked out for Claire. And as he sat with her and Aaron that night, he realized that if ever she was in trouble, she'd come to him. Because now, she trusted him. Because he made her feel safe. And he knew now, that he could save her.

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A/N: Really hesitant about posting this. I hope it wasn't too horrible. Feel free to tell me if you think I got anything wrong.


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